Starting over

Leaving behind OPS to work 14hr days with no lunch and no pee break and standing on your feet ALL day and being scolded by your very bizaare boss or worse NOT being scolded by your very nice boss even though you are obviously crap at your job and making alot of mistakes in presenting cases (I haven presented crap in 2yrs) and forgetting blood test results and doing HO changes ON TOP of learning MO stuff and dealing with the stupid stupid stupid COW and dealing with expectations and not knowing how to manage simple things is making me slip from euphoria for the past year right down into depression now.

I have LOA, insomnia (I sleep 3 hrs everyday only becos I wake up at 3am in a panic and fearful abt the next day], anhedonia, unwillingness to go out and meet friends and tearful moods.
And i haven't even gone through my first call yet.

As such, despite this being my birthday today, somehow it didn't feel like it, and in fact i forgot that it was my birthday until 2 days ago when my mum passed me my red packet.

But my dear gal Wk said something today that brought alot of comfort to me and I remembered that in my first HO month I also had a very tough time.
So I searched through my blog archives and came across this very paragraph that I myself wrote describing that:

"You may be worked to the very core of your being, you may be hanging to the last threads of your sanity, you may go home in tears everyday, you may see nothing ahead of you but day after day of non-stop work.
But once you get out of this darkest times of your life, the relief and the incredulity at actually coping with your work and finishing ahead of time is the best gift you can ever receive."

Pray for me that I don't kill someone in the meantime. I know i am.