Beautiful Cups

What’s the first thing that pops into your mind when someone tells you that you have beautiful cups?? No, we’re not talking about glassware here.. And no I don’t mean that either, jeez… get your mind out of the gutter. Of course I’m talking about the cups in your optic discs……..

[An optic disc is an area on your retina, which we can actually visualize through your pupil via various equipment. It appears as a yellow disc in a background of red. In your optic disc, is a smaller, paler yellow circle called a cup, and in a beautiful cup, you see the blood vessels bending sharply into it, or that’s what he meant, I think.]

Yes someone did tell me that while examining my optic disc. It was quite an awkward moment for us both, where that sentence was followed by a stunned silence, then raucous laughter and raunchy jokes. And no, I shall not reveal that person’s name. And neither will Wk (or she WILL die a horrible death).

To all my non-med friends (ie. those of you fortunate enough not to be at the giving or receiving end of the following procedure), let me teach you how to use an ophthalmoscope so that subsequently when you see people in white coats approaching you asking if they can look into your eyes, you’ll know that your answer is a definite no.

Step 1 aka The Most Important Step: Ingest one breath mint 5 minutes prior to examination.
Step 2: Warn the patient that you will come very close to him/her. Esp if you’re a him and she’s a her.
Step 3: Tell patient to look straight ahead. Or if you wanna sabo a friend, tell that friend to raise his arm and finger high directly in front of patient and ask patient to look at it.
Step 4: Approach eye 15 degrees to vertical.
Step 5: Use your left eye if you’re examining patient’s left eye. P.S: YOU WILL FAIL if you don’t do this step. P.p.s: You’ll see why later.
Step 6: Swoop down on patient from standing position and stop only when the hand holding the ophthalmoscope is touching the patient’s cheek. If you’re using the wrong eye, then hey presto, you’ll suddenly find yourself kissing the patient = confirm kena complain one.
Step 7: According to our tutors, if your direction is correct, you should be able to find the optic disc in 3 seconds.
Step 8: If step 7 does not occur, then trace blood vessels and hope for the best (this will take quite a long time, during which time you will develop a backache from bending for too long.)
By the way, the only people who uses the ophthalmoscope are the medical students and HOs. The ophthalmologists have more advanced equipment that don’t require them to come so close to you.
So unless the medical student examining you is very shuai, I would suggest that you say no lar.

In my two weeks in ophthalmology, I have become closely acquainted with the eyes of everyone in my cg (and sometimes I know what they eat for lunch), I know that one can create a big hoo-ha by saying things like “yar, Wk’s optic disc is very obvious” or “his eyes are very dilated” (and also things like “beautiful cups” of course), we know who is the blindest (me) and who has tilted optic discs (Wk. Oops, did I just create another hoo-ha? Hee hee), we know how to get SC’s eyes dilated without mydriatics (evil grin), and how to truly judge a person’s diopters (degree) despite ultra-thin glasses.

Never would I have thought that this posting would be such a good bonding experience for all of us. Up next, ENT.

I hope to God we don’t have to stare up each other’s noses.