A depressing post

A year ago today was the turning point in my HO career.
I had just spent the first HO month in utter despair, hopelessness and tears, fumbling along, trying so hard yet still getting scolded every single day, we never eat, never pee, never even drink a sip of water in the 15hours that is our working day. I never meet up with anybody and the only time I saw Catechol was when he send me home from work at 10pm during which time I don’t talk cos I’m gobbling down my first meal of the day.

And then finally I’m in another team, and I’m starting to find that I’m actually coping with changes. The turning point came when I actually began to think that I’m doing ok, that work is actually pretty enjoyable. And I never looked back since. Through Hepatobil, Onco and even Respi, through nonstop admissions, EOD calls and ridiculous bosses, I find satisfaction in my work, enjoyed my colleagues and most of the time even my bosses. I learned to be efficient so as to make time for meals, I’m on top of things and I seldom make mistakes.

And I went through all that just to find that I’m back full circle at where I was 1 year ago, with twice the despair, twice the hopelessness, and overwhelming stress.
I started to do stupid things again, and getting scolded for them. I lived every moment of my working time in fear. And I stopped eating, drinking and peeing, and because of the working hours, I no longer see anybody outside of work.

I’m still waiting for that elusive turning point, but with every passing moment, I feel myself sinking in hopelessness and sliding towards giving up.