The last day of MBBS.....

….. and I’m an emotional wreck.

I’ve pictured this moment in my mind so many times! I would skip out of the exam ward grinning in excitement. Maybe give my friends a hug or two. Then, grab my phone back from the co-ordinators excitedly and sms everyone I know that my exams have ended and ask them when we can meet up.

Instead, I walked out of the exam room still in shock, my face expressionless, just like how my face looks like whenever I take exams.
Around me, everyone had worried looks on their faces, and they were all discussing worriedly and complaining abt their examiners.

I think I was just in a state of numb shock, I can’t believe I fumbled so badly today.
I walked out of nuh with rm, still able to discuss post-exam plans.
I got on the bus, and just started predicting my marks, and calculating whether or not I might fail, over and over and over again.

And then I met up with my mum, and that was when an immense wave of self-disappointment engulfed me. I didn’t know what hit me, but tears just welled up and I started crying uncontrollably.
I don’t know if it’s the stress after an extremely long day, the stress after an extremely long month, having nothing to focus on to sweep aside my emotions or the chronic lack of sleep this past week, I just never pictured the end of my exams to make me this emotional.

I was so, so tired even at 10pm, but the moment my head hit my pillow, I just kept having flashbacks of how I screwed up today.
I was so worried abt getting the vivas, I couldn’t even sleep a wink the whole night.

It was literally the worst night of my life.
The second worst night was the night before release of the uni posting results.

Someday, I hope to look back on this day and laugh.

Update:
I can’t believe they made us wait so long for the list! I’m forever grateful to my jie-meis who sms-ed me and updated me and to BOTH Wk and P who called me at the same time! And to my parents who came home from work to sit at home with me to wait. And to my friends who asked how I was feeling. I just sat in my room the whole 2 hours, praying “please let me pass please let me pass” over and over again.

Yes! WE made it through together!

Argh I’m an emotional wreck!