My cooking attempts

Last Monday, I was suddenly seized by the urge to attempt cooking so I happily bought a box of Japanese curry sauce but when I reached home I realized that I have no ingredients at all. My fridge was devoid of fresh food and contained only the pathetic odd sauces and my butter. The curry box stated that I need potato, chicken, carrots and onions and I only have onions. I was contemplating making onion curry when a lightbulb appeared on top of my head (I am only using this phrase to show cartoon drawers out there how ridiculous it is). I saw the leftover peanut soup my mum made yesterday, and since it tasted horrible (I inherited my culinary skills from my mum) I decided to use the peanuts as my ingredients! (Ooh aren’t I a cooking genius?) Making peanut curry is an extremely delicate process and requires the utmost concentration and because I’m a generous person, let me share with you guys my ingenious recipe.

First, you scoop the peanuts and meat from the soup, taking care not to scoop up any soup with it. Then you lightly sautéed the ingredients in a saucepan until they turn brown. (At this point, some ignorant folks may ask, ‘I thought the peanuts are already brown?’ The Enlightened One says, ‘Just do as The Enlightened One says’) Add a dash of light soy sauce to add a salty tang to the peanuts then add the curry sauce mix and water. Bring to a boil and lightly simmer for 20minutes.

Though my cooking methods were slightly unorthodox, the peanut curry turned out really delicious (*thumb my nose at all those who have been laughing at my curry*). But I felt that I didn’t do justice to the great sauce, so three days later, I invited David and Goliath to have a go at it, proudly telling them that I JUST bought the curry.

They came bearing lots of ingredients and David even bought condensed milk, probably thinking the condensed milk I have at home had turned into yogurt. And since they’ve been to my house countless times, they immediately looked for the expiry date on the curry box despite my protests that I bought the sauce only three days ago. The expiry date was hidden behind the price tag, and to my horror, the curry expired on 26.2.2005. I was flabbergasted. And David and Goliath never trusted anything I said about expiry dates again.

All in all, we had a great dinner: curry with the proper ingredients + sausages + chicken + fried rice, milk pudding and chocolate cake which I made (but tasted like peanut cake since I used peanut oil instead of vegetable oil).

Just yesterday, they invited me over for dinner again, this time at Goliath’s house. We wanted to go for buffet at first but because I’m broke, David came up with the cheap but dubious idea of whipping up a seven-course meal ourselves. I went 2 hours late so that I could miss out on the cooking but sadly, David, who bought all the ingredients, was later. Then started a frenzy of cooking, where Goliath chopped furiously, I hassled David about what I had to do next and David took her own sweet time bossing us around, all in the hopes of starting dinner in 2 hours. (Our shortest record was 2.5hrs)

I was shocked when we finished in 1hr50min and was feeling pretty damned pleased with myself because between us, we whipped up a fantastic meal of fusion cuisine. This was what we cooked: roast chicken (Chinese), fried Japanese seafood balls (Japanese), tuna and cheese wrap (Mexican), fries and onions with cheese (western), all washed down with Magi Mee instant porridge (Singaporean). I never knew fried onions can go so well with cheese, it was really orgasmic, there is seriously no other word to describe it. David also made dessert: honeydew and mango pudding and chocolate cake (which was really good).

I suppose you can gather from this entry that my two good friends are pretty good cooks, so if you’re looking for wife material, please feel free to contact me and I’ll give you their numbers at a small fee.